Authority, Position, Relationship…

In an attempt to steal some of God’s principles for my own parenting strategy, I’ve been chewing on this all day…

God is all about authority. He created everything and then as the last “piece”, He decides to insert a soul into it. He then gives that soul an ability to CHOOSE — that’s it: authority. Totally wicked isn’t it?

God cares about position. He places us near people & events to share His love and message. He lets us run off and get into trouble. He invites us back to His path. He provides positions to grow and mature along the journey.

God is all over relationship. He took it upon Himself to fix our mistake, ’cause we certainly couldn’t. How strong is this relationship, or His desire to have it with you? Take a second, think about how big your town is if you had to walk from your house to the grocery store. Now, think about walking to Florida. Now, take a second and zoom past the moon, our galaxy and imagine the distance of the UNIVERSE. Blow your mind? It does mine, and yet God made sure that we are invited to know Him and spend time with Him…

So how does this relate to parenting? Well I think authority, position, and relationship are mere stepping stones in the stages of my kids maturity. Authority goes first, then position, but hopefully never relationship.

Here’s my explanation:

• Authority – the more authority I allow my children, the more adult-like they have to become. We provide our kids with rather generous allowances. That’s not bragging (frankly I’m a week behind with #1), but rather in seeking to give our kids tastes of authority, they need to have freedom to make decisions. I’d rather have them make mistakes with money now then when they hit the big leagues. This is certainly on a continuum though – my goal is that they would have quite a bit of authority over themselves before the teen pressure kicks in full steam. If this is to happen, I can’t hold back opportunities from them and I can’t totally revoke authority once given… totally amazing concept that God did right at the beginning. [Now don't get all wiggy if you're reading this and seeing the formula for brats - responsibility goes hand-in-hand ergo, maturity will result]
• Position – this one is simpler to see… as my kids move out of the house, my position as father will completely change. The authority will be completely transferred at that point… Continuing to maintain a position as “because I said so, I’m your father”, will not only be hurtful to the relationship, but won’t be valid. My position as head of a stable, safe place will no longer be necessary. They will have their own position to take on. [Of course they can come back and visit and get charged up to go out again, but they won't be allowed to stay the weekend]
• Relationship – I have to work on this A LOT. With the 5, it always seems like I’m just catching them at bad points (i.e. I’m yelling at them to stop that), or they’re crying, or they’re frustrated by homework, again… Anyways, this will be the lasting element of the whole parenting task. The relationship with my kids needs to be strong enough to withstand the change as they move into their own position, outside my authority. They will lead their own lives – that’s what we’re working for in the firstplace! If I don’t hear from them on Christmas or Easter, then I guess it’s a sign that our relationship needs a boost (or they were just too busy saving the world).

As a child of God, I’m glad that He is so forgiving in our relationship, suggests positions for my life, and gives me authority over my gifts and time in order to respond. I pray that I can do but a sliver of that for my kids.

Author: Brett Veenstra | Category: Disciple | Comments(0) January 2006